Everyone has advice on what you should and should not do in a relationship..Lots of do's and don'ts that do not help in the heat of the moment when you are in a conflict situation or in a new relationship where you are still walking on eggshells.
I am no relationship expert and do not profess to be one. I can merely talk about my experiences and hope that my interactions with others will help you in some way. I have since realised that every situation is very different solely because the people you are interacting with come from very different cultures, upbringing, thought patterns, experiences, languages, traditions and most importantly, personalities.
It you had to take all of this into account before launching into a relationship, you would not get very far and might just give up. Such is the vast expanse of exploring you would have to do, to learn the intricacies of the mind of the person you are interacting with.
If you think about it. The person you meet and potentially want to create a relationship with, comes with their own visions of romance (or not), their own set of checklists in what is acceptable and not acceptable behaviours, needs and wants, pains, anger, hurt and expectations from past experiences and upbringing.
With that in mind, you also realise that you also come with your own set of hangups plus all of the above expectations too. So two very different people connecting on a superficial level of - Fun, smart, funny, handsome, caring, perfect, tall, giving, etc.. find out later down the line that there is more to the facade than meets the eye.
People have the inherent ability to adjust their personalities to suit a situation, thus creating fascinating chameleons of change and depending on which face was on at the time, that is who you fall in love with. Later on, the various facades change again until you begin to feel comfortable and settle into the relationship, thus allowing the true personality to come forth like a rollercoaster that comes to a halt. Only problem is that you are stuck wondering if this is the ride you actually signed up for. It could be exciting or daunting.
It could be fun or frustrating. One of the important keys to a successful, long lasting relationship is to understand the other persons true personality. It actually benefits each of you to know this simple skill from the beginning as it prevents alot of conflict, mis-communication, fights, anger and tears in your relationship.
Many people that we encounter on a daily basis, realise too late that it their personalities were the reason that they were growing apart. Attending a course on personality types makes so much sense. Or just reading up on the subject helps. There are tons of books out there that are simple and effective. My favourite being - "Personality Plus" by Florence Litauer.
There are 4 Distinct Personality types but many combinations. Namely, Strong (Choleric), Perfectionist (Melancholic), Fun (Sanguine) and Peaceful (Phlegmatic) People.
Being with a perfectionist, allows you to adjust your expectations and decide if you want to live a life knowing that you will always have your environment, travel and life mapped out. They have a vision of how much they can make your life perfect by creating the perfect environment, perfect day, perfect date, perfect situation etc..unfortunately, life is not perfect and it can get quite upsetting if you are on the wrong side of imperfection. Perfectionists show their love for you by making your life easier in the way they prepare everything for you..The awesome thing about them, is that your car will always have a service on time, the fridge will be full and the bills paid on time.
Being with a Strong take charge type of person, allows you to re-adjust how you approach them in conversation, make decisions your life and always have the last say. They tend to need to be taken seriously, deffered to, allowed to take the lead generally. You might run at this point as fights can get quite aggressive with words that cut deep into your heart. Their strengths lie in their ability to stand up for what is right in life. They are ambitious and will always be there for you, fighting for you!
Being with peaceful people allows you to figure out how you need to adjust your body language, tone, words and aggressive approach to get better results which could land you in hot water as coming across as insensitive if you do not. They will eventually explode and leave your heart in tatters when their anger comes forth after a long time of keeping it in. Peaceful people are quaranteed to be that rock you can lean on. They will love, adore and support you no matter what you choose to do in life and no matter what decision you make. They will follow you to the ends of the earth as long as you keep their hearts safe.
Being with a fun personality is awesome. As long as you are prepared for continious laughter, spontanaeity, jokes, surprises and joy in your life. This is brilliant as long as you do not get angry when they do not want to be held down by rules and nagged into submission. They tend to run at this point. These are the guys who have a zest for life that will keep you on your toes, keep you forever young and spontaneous with a never ending adventure called life. They live large and are remembered for their joy and huge personalities.
You then go one step further and get combinations of the four personalities that now make it more fun, more exciting and more complicated.
Some Tips:
So my suggestion is this...go and read up on personality types and save yourself the trauma of hurting relationships that are important in your life. This will help to understand and cement the beauty, love, laughter and gentle caring in a relationship destined to be with you for the rest of your life. This also helps to understand the various relationships that already exist in your life, from your spouse, children, parents, siblings, co-workers and friends.
This type of hidden knowlege is readily available to anyone who wishes to mend, create or begin any relationship. It works for us personally and I would highly recommend it to anyone who wishes to improve any relationship.
Have fun exploring, learning and adjusting!!
until the next time..take care and have fun!
Arthie Moore
