Technology. Our excuse for not Listening!

Removing our Facades!

It is really incredible to watch how social media has created a fantastic platform for business growth as well as friendships. Linking people who would never have had the opportunity to meet in this lifetime. The power of using it well allows you to boost your business, network with a click of a button without having to cold call, build your own confidence, make millions, create virtual products and become famous..or not.

Without achieving much or having any real people skills, you can have more than a thousand friends. Many of whom you will never meet, talk to or know their life stories. Some, you will connect with and start a momentum of fun and insane banter or build a really awesome friendship with.

The downside though, is that we have stopped interacting in a face to face social environment. What you see on the internet or cyberspace, is not who you really are in person. People who are normally introverted in real life, become fun party animals on their profiles.

It is scary then to consider, that we are now falling in love with facades. More scarier than that?..is when we start to believe those very facades that we create for ourselves as being real.

Maybe, we are scared of socialising with real people and find it easier to build friendships via social media because it is easier not to get hurt that way.

Mixit, Facebook, Myspace etc..has a huge following for a simple reason. In our attempt as human beings to keep up with technology, we have stopped looking at what is in front of us. We are lonely and do not know how to connect with people right in front of us.

The power that social media gives to you, is the ability to remove someone from your life with just one click of the delete and block button.

As I sat contemplating the way that the youth are fighting boredom, it occured to me that as adults, we stopped caring..As simple as that. Even as adults, we have been projecting our own inadequacies and fears upon our own families and children. We have stopped listening and stopped talking.

In truth, we have stopped embracing our hummaness. We protect ourselves so much and have created such a huge defensive layer around us, that we do not know how to take it down anymore. The facades are now glued on and we now falsely believe that it cannot be removed.

In the same way that it is so easy to create a relationship via technological means, it has also become so easy to break up with someone via email, sms, skype or messaging. Where has our sense of dignity, honour and respect gone to?

We use, abuse and blame technology for not pitching up to a get together, for cancelling an important event, missing a party or forgetting the people in our lives, who count on us to be there in their time of need.

It is also becoming more and more difficult to stimulate our children with all of the technology just waiting to be embraced by our little ones. So in our attempt to live our own lives of fun and socialising, we throw nintendo, Wii, playstation, X-box, laptops and cellphones at them and hope that they will keep quiet and stay out of our way.

We have stopped listening. We have stopped interacting. We have stopped connecting on a human level to the very people we created and brought onto this earth. Our excuse? Technology.

We do not use technology as a reason to build relationships. We use it as our excuse to not connect, support, guide and be with people in the flesh.

I have also found that some young people are learning to speak differently and in code. Their pain is very real. Their fears deep. Their dreams huge. Their vision limited. Limited by the lack of real people to guide them through an integral time of their lives.

Yes, sure there are technological geniuses amongst young people. But they are few and far between. Most of them know how to use their Blackberrys in ingenius ways, use Youtube to promote themselves, create incredible websites that generate income and use social media to improve their popularity..but for the rest, there is simply the cellphone with internet access, camera and sms'ing to help them keep up with the fast pace evolving around them.

For the shy, introverted, kids in pain, their ability to chat to anyone in a social media environment, can either make or break them emotionally. Most feel or get some comfort, some may feel more isolated.

Their code has been created to block adults from understanding what is really going on, because no-one seems to care anyway to crack that code. Mixit is huge for a simple reason in my eyes. People, especially young people, are able to connect and talk and be listened to via the cheapest method availalbe - Cellphone.

Facebook is huge for another reason. It allows people to create any persona they want. They can put up thee most insane photos, videos and updates that will give them the attention they crave but do not get in real life.

Can you imagine a world where encouraged others to shine in their true selves? That is why Mindpower, Self Empowerment, Transformational programmes, Positive thinking and Freedom techniques exist.

We are in desperate need to find ourselves again. To find who we really are. The person hiding inside waiting to come out and be seen.

If we do not know who we are, how do we expect teenagers and young people to use us as inspiration or a role model? Which facade are they supposed to emulate?

The latest trend seems to be our ability to hide emotions, feel nothing, not hurt, show that we don't really care, when we do and to be nonchalant in the face of sadness.

Are we using such a powerful tool in the form of internet, as an artificial balm to soothe our inability to feel? Are we so averse to embracing emotions that we hide behind technology?

My solution?

Create a balance. Stop long enough to notice the living, breathing, human being right in front of you! Use technology to enhance what already exists. Focus on reality. Reality being the person who needs you to hold their hand in this moment. In this lifetime - treasure your time, this human form we were given should not be wasted. Hug your child. Read to them. Write a love letter. Take a walk. Listen. Talk with thoughtfulness. Talk with care.

When you next create an update, make it positive, uplifting, real. When someone is in pain. Inbox them privately and seriously show them care with your words meant to help them. Don't update to show the world your cleverness. Be genuine. Be kind. Be good.

When someone says, that you do not understand them - make a concerted effort to come down to their level of understanding instead of brushing it off with an inane joke or assumption that it is not worthy of your time. You could save a life!

With your partner, look, really look into their eyes, see their pain, feel their emotions, connect with them. Relationships last alot longer when you take a walk and listen to what is really going on. An sms is cool, as long as it is a follow up to a real conversation. Stop hiding behind one liners. It may be funny now, but later down the line, it becomes a nasty habit that can break relationships.

You never know how much a person is hanging onto your every word, your tone, your body language and more importantly, your sincerity or lack thereof.

Be gentle with your words. Let everything you say, have the intention to build the person.

Emails are awesome! Talking a person even more powerful. Words in writing don't always project exactly what you meant to say. This creates mis-understanding and a mis-interpretation of meaning that can cause an issue in many instances.

With young people, share your wisdom by sitting down and chatting - FACE to FACE! Most people feel mis-understood for the simple reason that we don't care enough to ask. Ask what is worrying them, what makes them sad, what their hopes and dreams are, what do they want to achieve. Just listening will take them a long way to figuring it out themselves anyway.

Young people are energetic, have clear thinking and access to every form of technology for the logical stuff. They will work out stuff eventually. Experience however, will prove a huge boost in their life, if we could lend them our wisdom through conversation. Guidance not domination is the key. Let's start caring more for others rather than our cleverness in getting people to Like us. Let's be genuine in our interactions and figure out how we can start to grow people who still read, think and appreciate a life filled with integrity, hope, honour and dignity in the true sense of the word.

Morale of the story? Connect in a natural way - stop hiding behind technology!

Your life story is important. Share it in a meaningful way. Mentor someone. Guide someone. Look and actually see. Listen and actually hear what is being said. Drop the facades and start to feel. Welcome a world filled with everything that is real whilst embracing the positives of technology. Find a balance and begin to impact our world in a powerful way. Leave your own legacy!

Tolerance

I have been struggling recently with the word "Tolerance". How can you tolerate people and everything that makes them special? I think that the operative words could be "understanding" and "respect." 

That way, we do not limit ourselves into falsely believing that we are tolerating people for the sake of appearances. Respect and understanding means that we have a choice to accept that every single human being is different to us, but we do not have to change to become them.

It opens us up, however, to possibilities and the ability to explore their differences with an open mind, kindness and dignity.

Someone recently told me that they accept diversity..I asked them how? Their answer spoke volumes... "I tolerate the people that I interact with!"..

This conversation has been bugging me. It is not unusual to hear someone say that they tolerate someone, a circumstance, a behaviour, a culture, a religion etc..but why was it so disturbing to hear it now?

Maybe, my awareness has changed or my consciousness is different, but it actually pissed me off. Why do we as human beings, profess to tolerate some one, if we do not like that person. Is it because we not have the guts to stand up and say it out loud or has society deemed it more appeasing to circumstances not to rock the boat by "tolerating" people or situations.

Where is it written in this world..that we have to like every single person we meet? We can stop being hypocrites and walking on egg shells now. It is time to say things clearly, stand up for what is right and speak with integrity. Doing the right thing even when people are not looking.

Whatever happened to the Mind Power and Positive thinking guys who say that you attract to you the type of people you want to surround yourself with..and to run from negativity.. Never lower your standards to fit in with the crowd who expect less from life than you..Think positively and stand up to tyranny is the latest.

How then do we do it with a clear mind filled with integrity, if we blatantly and quite happily say that we tolerate people who are different in some way or the other.

We are all born as babies, who are literally spoon fed our sustenance, our way of thinking, our beliefs, our religion, our language, our thoughts, our ways of being..In other words, we are all born innocent of anything..a clear slate, waiting to be programmed.

The fact that we are all born that way should count for something. We should all acknowledge gratitude for being born innocent, then accept that we were given a life filled with amazing experiences based on our upbringing.

We should then continue that gratitude for the fact that we were taught a language and religion (a set of guidelines) or not, a sense of culture, tradition, idiosyncracies, an education, and a brain to think for ourselves. All of these experiences can either limit us or grows us.

How then, if we were ALL born with a clean slate did we get to the point of believing that we are superior to others based on our different experiences. Should we not be harnessing the very essence of these different, mind challenging, unusual and thought provoking experiences and sharing it with each other instead of saying that we tolerate each other based on these very uniquenesses.

Just because I pray or not, in the same way as you, does not mean that my life is limited in abundance, flowing with love or lacks laughter. Just because, I do not speak English in the way you believe it correct does not give you the right to say that you tolerate my nuances and incorrect use of the language. Just because I do not act, behave, prance, dance or celebrate life the way you do, does not make me any less as a human being..

Maybe, just maybe, if you look closely, you could laugh at the mis-pronunciation and ask me how I would say it in my own language and learn from me. Maybe, just maybe, you could lower your judgements and attend my celebrations, delight in my exquisite cuisine, dance my mad dance, love and laugh the way we do..to understand and respect me in the way I wish to respected.

Maybe, just maybe, you could change the word tolerate to respect and thereby find a common ground of understanding that can only help us to grow together in a powerful team of unique strengths that can absolve most weaknesses. Because maybe, just maybe, my thought patterns being so different, may bring an amazingly different wisdom to the world that will help to heal, rather than destroy.

It is incredible to relieve yourself of the burden of having to tolerate people. If you do not like someone, maybe your beliefs or values do not resonate with them. So choose not to spend time with them, but that does not mean that you have to tolerate them. Everyone is searching for the elusive respect deserving of them.

Many people do not give it. It costs nothing and everything. Yes, it is earned, but at the same time, if you feel that you deserve it, but do not give it, does not mean anything when people respect you through fear or because you deemed it appropriate based on your position or status. They just might be tolerating you too.

My thoughts on this subject? Be true to yourself and the people around. Start embracing change, it is so refreshing. Open up and let people into your life and remove the barriers that are preventing you from experiencing the true person and not the facade you see everyday. There is an incredible depth to everyone you see. If you take the time to actually listen, explore and join them on this fabulous journey called life!

Here's to less judgement and more understanding..

"At the level of Respect, All people are Equal!" Brian and Arthie Moore

Arthie Moore

www.celebratinghumanityinternational.com

www.kileadership.com

www.arthiemoore.com

Cooking on Expresso Show - Butter Chicken Curry

I recently had the good fortune to cook on the Expresso Show live on SABC 3.

I was asked to cook a Butter chicken recipe, which I created and sent through immediately. It was tons of fun and exciting but totally different to what I expected. Eish, I have new found respect for Chefs who cook live.. :)

So for all of my awesome friends and family who wanted the original recipe that I had created for the show, here it is! enjoy..

Butter Chicken Recipe

Served with Basmati Rice, Sambals and Pappaddums

2kg/tray chicken pieces with bone
4 Cardammom pods
2 Cinnamon sticks
1 tablespoon - Crushed ginger and garlic
3 bay leaf
Half a teaspoon of Cumin.
200g Butter ( I won’t use all of it)
3 tablespoons of Butter Ghee (essential)
Tandoori paste (4 tablespoons)
1 whole onion chopped (does not matter how you chop it)
1 tomato grated - Normally the skin is left after grating..throw it away.
1 teaspoon Salt  and Pepper (adjust according to taste)
2 tablespoons of Mixed curry powder
1 teaspoon of Garam masala
1 teaspoon of turmeric powder
1 cup of yoghurt
250ml of fresh cream
1 cup of frozen peas (optional)
Coriander  to garnish.

Method:

Score the chicken. Marinate the chicken with salt, pepper, ginger, garlic, tandoori paste, then pour over the yoghurt and allow to rest for 20 minutes.

Heat a casserole pot, put in the butter ghee and half the butter. Add the onions and the cumin, allow to cook for a few minutes, then add the garam masala, turmeric powder and mixed masala. Allow the curry powder to cook for a few minutes then add the grated tomato. Add the bay leaves, cardamom pods and cinnamon sticks and the chicken with the marinade. Stir and allow all the ingredients to mix properly, cover and let it cook over medium heat.  

It normally takes about 20 minutes depending on how much chicken you are using.

To finish, add the fresh cream, adjust seasoning ( add peas in if you like at this stage and switch off the heat) and put the remainder of the butter.  Give it one last stir. Garnish with coriander and serve.

 Side Dishes will consist of the following:

Sambals:

One onion chopped into tiny squares
One tomato chopped finely into squares
2 – 3 chillies
Coriander to garnish
Lemon juice
Fine salt

Mix the chopped onion, tomato and chillies and coriander together and season with fine salt and lemon juice.

Pappadums:

Can be fried in a frying pan with a little Sunflower oil. This takes a few seconds and has to be done at the end.

Basmati Rice

Cook Basmati rice as normal and serve as a side dish.

ps..for those of you who want to watch the recording..here is the link:

Butter Chicken Recipe

Inspired by Mother Nature

Somedays I feel so excited and bursting with energy to take on the world and let loose all of this pent up fascination to create, explore, travel, write and just connect with people. Then other days, I just want to cuddle up on the couch with a good old fashioned juicy red wine, blue cheese and movies.

Such are the moments in our lives when we feel inspired to do something great and then the balance to just chill. Inspiration, I find for me is coming more and more from nature, our sunrises, sunsets, landscapes, shadows and ever changing happy, laughing clouds.

I feel so inspired just by the fact that I am alive! I feel gratitude for the travelling, interaction and life changing work that we do, that allows us to be a part of an ever changing lanscape of dramatic thunderstorms, delightful sunshine and wonderous rainy, cloudy days.

To feel sunshine upon my face, lightens up my heart with the warmth and love that is Mother Natures way of giving us something that is free and there for the taking. And then I realise that I have more to be grateful for. Our lives are filled with everything that is free yet we indebt ourselves with manmade objects of desire..a desire that slowly fades away as the whimsical need for it diminishes and the next bright object replaces it.

Are we so filled with desire to own, manage, build, break, damage, destroy, hurt and fill our lives with things so much so, that we fail to see that the best things in life are indeed free.

We travel to far off countries in search of the elusive fun, rest and relaxation that we can get in our own backyard. Sitting outside in your own garden, you can soak up the rays of joy that the sun bestows upon you - for free.. Revelling in the everchanging clouds from naughty thin streaks to fat, juicy, plumpy clouds..the fascination never ends..The delicious sounds of rain pitter pattering on your window or rooftop, soothes with the irregular rhythm that is unique to sudden storms or gentle rainfall. What more could one ask for?

Take heed and be wary of overlooking the simplicity of what we have in front of us. Be careful that we become so blase that we forget the true beauty that is waiting to be acknowledged right here, right now, in the moment. With every breathe we inhale, we are taking from Mother Nature. With every meal, we are sustaining our life blood and diminishing hers. So be more aware! Be more concious and grateful and be inspired by what we have been given. It is after all, a privilege and not a right.

Mother Nature is inspiring us out of our lazy boredom that is dependent on electronic stimulation. She is giving us the joys of life that is there for the living. Be inspired, be wowed, be humbled. I am in awe of Mother Nature's greatness. The mere fact that us mortals have been given the opportunity to share in this wonderous earth overwhelms me.

I am grateful. I am inspired.

Arthie Moore

www.kileadership.com

www.celebratinghumanityinternational.com

www.arthiemoore.com

Travel..Just Coz!!

Recently, I spontaneously decided to go on the Skycar at Moses Mabida Stadium in Durban just for the fun of it. I loved it!! Whilst taking photos, I realised that we seldom look at the beauty of our own city. We spend thousands of rands going overseas to observe the beauty of other cultures, landscapes, food, music and cities.

The amazing thing is that we can do all of this in our own cities for very little money.

My suggestion, is that you should stop randomly and enjoy the simple sights of your own city. Go on tours, walking, driving, flying or being driven. Soak up the sun in your own backyard. Revel in the joys of local music and cuisine..

Interact with strangers in your own neighborhood who are just waiting for you to smile and introduce yourself. Friendships are simple, they are there for the taking. Why limit ourselves to friendships on social networking sites only..greet people randomly and strike a conversation that can change your life, your thoughts, your perspectives and add to your experience.

Go pub hopping with a group of friends and have a spectacular time, doing what you would normally only do overseas. Let your hair down Just Coz!! you can...

Take your wallet and a backpack with overnight clothes. Book into a Guesthouse, Bed and Breakfast or farmhouse. Jump into your car, choose a city nearby and go road tripping. Stop when you are bored, fascinated or find something interesting.

Know that your city is hungrily awaiting your love, time, approval and attention.

Morale of the story..Get out of the mundane routine of waiting until you have enough money to travel to exotic destinations..Stop limiting yourself and travel for the love of it. Explore what is right in front of you!

Look at your own country in the same delighted way, millions of tourists see it. Life is deliciously exciting..Let's get out there and Live!!

until the next time, take care and have fun!

Arts

How Personality affects relationships.

Everyone has advice on what you should and should not do in a relationship..Lots of do's and don'ts that do not help in the heat of the moment when you are in a conflict situation or in a new relationship where you are still walking on eggshells.

I am no relationship expert and do not profess to be one. I can merely talk about my experiences and hope that my interactions with others will help you in some way. I have since realised that every situation is very different solely because the people you are interacting with come from very different cultures, upbringing, thought patterns, experiences, languages, traditions and most importantly, personalities.

It you had to take all of this into account before launching into a relationship, you would not get very far and might just give up. Such is the vast expanse of exploring you would have to do, to learn the intricacies of the mind of the person you are interacting with.

If you think about it. The person you meet and potentially want to create a relationship with, comes with their own visions of romance (or not), their own set of checklists in what is acceptable and not acceptable behaviours, needs and wants, pains, anger, hurt and expectations from past experiences and upbringing.

With that in mind, you also realise that you also come with your own set of hangups plus all of the above expectations too. So two very different people connecting on a superficial level of - Fun, smart, funny, handsome, caring, perfect, tall, giving, etc.. find out later down the line that there is more to the facade than meets the eye.

People have the inherent ability to adjust their personalities to suit a situation, thus creating fascinating chameleons of change and depending on which face was on at the time, that is who you fall in love with. Later on, the various facades change again until you begin to feel comfortable and settle into the relationship, thus allowing the true personality to come forth like a rollercoaster that comes to a halt. Only problem is that you are stuck wondering if this is the ride you actually signed up for. It could be exciting or daunting.
It could be fun or frustrating. One of the important keys to a successful, long lasting relationship is to understand the other persons true personality. It actually benefits each of you to know this simple skill from the beginning as it prevents alot of conflict, mis-communication, fights, anger and tears in your relationship.

Many people that we encounter on a daily basis, realise too late that it their personalities were the reason that they were growing apart. Attending a course on personality types makes so much sense. Or just reading up on the subject helps. There are tons of books out there that are simple and effective. My favourite being - "Personality Plus" by Florence Litauer.

There are 4 Distinct Personality types but many combinations. Namely, Strong (Choleric), Perfectionist (Melancholic), Fun (Sanguine) and Peaceful (Phlegmatic) People.

Being with a perfectionist, allows you to adjust your expectations and decide if you want to live a life knowing that you will always have your environment, travel and life mapped out. They have a vision of how much they can make your life perfect by creating the perfect environment, perfect day, perfect date, perfect situation etc..unfortunately, life is not perfect and it can get quite upsetting if you are on the wrong side of imperfection. Perfectionists show their love for you by making your life easier in the way they prepare everything for you..The awesome thing about them, is that your car will always have a service on time, the fridge will be full and the bills paid on time.

Being with a Strong take charge type of person, allows you to re-adjust how you approach them in conversation, make decisions your life and always have the last say. They tend to need to be taken seriously, deffered to, allowed to take the lead generally. You might run at this point as fights can get quite aggressive with words that cut deep into your heart. Their strengths lie in their ability to stand up for what is right in life. They are ambitious and will always be there for you, fighting for you!

Being with peaceful people allows you to figure out how you need to adjust your body language, tone, words and aggressive approach to get better results which could land you in hot water as coming across as insensitive if you do not. They will eventually explode and leave your heart in tatters when their anger comes forth after a long time of keeping it in. Peaceful people are quaranteed to be that rock you can lean on. They will love, adore and support you no matter what you choose to do in life and no matter what decision you make. They will follow you to the ends of the earth as long as you keep their hearts safe.

Being with a fun personality is awesome. As long as you are prepared for continious laughter, spontanaeity,  jokes, surprises and joy in your life. This is brilliant as long as you do not get angry when they do not want to be held down by rules and nagged into submission. They tend to run at this point. These are the guys who have a zest for life that will keep you on your toes, keep you forever young and spontaneous with a never ending adventure called life. They live large and are remembered for their joy and huge personalities.

You then go one step further and get combinations of the four personalities that now make it more fun, more exciting and more complicated.

Some Tips:

So my suggestion is this...go and read up on personality types and save yourself the trauma of hurting relationships that are important in your life. This will help to understand and cement the beauty, love, laughter and gentle caring in a relationship destined to be with you for the rest of your life. This also helps to understand the various relationships that already exist in your life, from your spouse, children, parents, siblings, co-workers and friends.

This type of hidden knowlege is readily available to anyone who wishes to mend, create or begin any relationship. It works for us personally and I would highly recommend it to anyone who wishes to improve any relationship.

Have fun exploring, learning and adjusting!!

until the next time..take care and have fun!

Arthie Moore

Finding your fun side!!

I have been having alot of fun recently re-discovering the various awesome things that I love the most..


Mainly, photography, cooking gourmet food, visiting unusual restaurants and travelling. I am finding that as much as I love the travelling, it is only once I arrive at the destination that the excitement kicks in. Am fast becoming anti-airport check-ins and transfers..In my impatient way, I want to get off the plane and start exploring asap.


My photography though has taken on new levels of insight. I am seeing the world through a very different type of lens. Every cloud, sunrise, sunset and building has potential to be viewed as exciting, thoughtful, fun, delicious, incredible, soothing or just plain awesome to look at.

I have since decided to create a fun Coffee Table book filled with all of my mad, fun photos -Just Coz!!

I have also been thinking of taking up horseriding again..just for the fun of it. I am fascinated by these amazingly large but gentle creatures. There is something so soothing and relaxing when bobbing on top of a horse looking down on the world in a slightly pompous way..lol..ok that is from being so high up.. :)

I have been wondering also, what it would look like to take photos on horseback...hmm..I must try that!

As for food!! Where do I start? I have found that simple un-fussy food is becoming more appealing. Am resisting the heavy creams and over ambitious flavour explosions.

Simplicity is the key. So I have devised a plan to put Sushi and French chefs into the homes of people.

The plan?? You invite 10 friends for a Sushi evening. Our chef arrives with all ingredients and equipment and teaches you and your friends how to make sushi in thee most fun and entertaining environment -  your home.

We start off by making fun cocktails - the key is to be drunk enough to make sushi and then too sloshed to notice how imperfect they are..lol..The tables are set by our crew of highly qualified, perfectionist but fun decor specialists and all you have to do, is sit back, relax and create a little sizzle with conversation whilst the chef sparkles with his skills.

And voila'...you have a fun, highly entertaining, fuss free, exquisite night to remember filled with memories of mis-shapen sushi, delicious drinks, tantalising tastes and wonderful friends who will vie to outdo you on your next dinner party!

Here's to finding your fun side..what ever you choose to do,..just do it..there are no rules and limitations on how much money you need or how much time you must find in your day..Make a choice to find your fun side and go for it.

I am not letting life stop me..in fact, I am allowing myself to be dragged happily with the ebb and flow of the gorgeous energy that this universe has to offer!